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Call me Hamster - The Paranoid Android
...musings of a mechanically depressed robot...
Call me Hamster
I am the Paranoid Android and I am a hoarder.

I lived at home for a long time and when I did all my belongings fit in a single room. It was quite a large room by most standards, but it was a single room. About 7 years ago I moved into a 3 bedroom house. I came with my belongings (minus the few I knew to be useless) and I rattled around my new home.

In the last 6-7 years I (or we - as Misty had joined me by then) have acquired stuff. Some of that stuff was in the shape of furniture, and some of that stuff was in the shape of DVDs and CDs. There was a double bed and a TV. There was a steady supply of books and magazines. Misty's stuff arrived from the States and we filled the house. We filled the house so much that we started to run out of places to put things. We should have stopped there... or perhaps we should never have got to that point.

Today my good friend Leon "the pig farmer" is moving in with me. He's moving out of his house and in a couple of months he will be moving out of the country. In the mean time he will be living in my "spare" room. Up until this morning my spare room was full of my stuff. I had to move it out of the spare room and into... well... that was my problem. There appears to be nowhere to move the stuff to.

I am currently unable to sleep in my bed because I have stuff in 4' piles on it. I tried to sleep on the sofa last night, but failed miserably because I drank far too much coffee yesterday. I finished clearing the spare room about 50 minutes ago... just 5 minutes before Leon was due to arrive. Luckily Leon is firmly in touch with his feminine side and is almost guaranteed to be about 30 minutes to an hour late. He called me to say he'll be about an hour.

I have so many books that they won't all fit under my bed. My bed is large and there is at least a foot and a half between the floor and the mattress.

This exercise (and what a work out it was too) has me realising that I need to shed a lot of clutter. The easiest decision was to ditch my (quite impressive) collection of Maxim magazines. I have every single issue from the first one up until about a year ago when I realised that the last years worth had not been opened and about 90% of years years before, 90% of the year before that and so on. Even cancelling my subscription didn't stop me from hoarding the copies I already owned.

I am also the proud owner of the Encyclopaedia Britannia. I think I have used it half a dozen times... half of those were to prove it was not a waste of my money.

Maxim will be recycled, the Encyclopaedia can't be. I could not destroy a set of books as beautiful as those, but I will be trying to find a new home for them... I wonder if my local library has a copy or would like mine.

I have a bunch of stuff in the house that I know Misty would probably like back at some point - like when she has a house of her own. Some of this is in the loft (which I have not even bothered to look at at the moment) the rest is either on my bed in on my landing. I think some sorting can get it all packed away properly in the loft until such time it can be moved.

I have an idea... which may take some time and a bit of work. I will have one room for "stuff" this room will be my office. It will house my books, my CDs and DVDs, my computer and a filling cabinet. There will be a games cupboard for my collection of board games and other toys. If I can't fit something in - then it has to be cast out, or something else must be cast out to make room. The exception to the games cupboard will be my consoles which will live in a similar, but smaller, cupboard in my living room.

My other rooms will have no "stuff" - that is to say there will be furniture but no junk. The kitchen will have food and plates and the devices that prepare food. The living room will have a TV, DVD player and music player. My bedroom will have clothes. The bathroom will have a small cabinet with my current toiletries. There will be a bigger cupboard with spare toiletries and towels. The garage will have a floor I can see until such time as I put a car in there (which given my track record will be about 30 seconds before the rapture.) The loft will be empty.

That is my goal. I have documented it here for all to see. I will record my progress here with the tags hamster.

Tags: ,
Current Location: RM12 5JH
Current Mood: exhausted exhausted
Current Music: The Flying Pickets - Only You

10 comments or Leave a comment
mrmist From: mrmist Date: May 2nd, 2009 09:54 am (UTC) (Link)
Nice goal. The amount of stuff accumulated will grow to fill the available space, hence why you have none. It's fairly common. Probably why IKEA storage modules sell well.
paranoidandroid From: paranoidandroid Date: May 4th, 2009 01:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
I need some storage, but i think that's a bandaid to a leaking jugular... I really need to not have so much stuff! :)
nuala From: nuala Date: May 2nd, 2009 10:25 am (UTC) (Link)
And this is where I learned:

a) to feel less sentimental about 'things' and just chuck them/take them to the charity shop

b) about my ocd and its relation to storage containment facilities, or aka little cabinets and little wicker drawers and things. My room is now not unlike the Tardis. ;-)
nuala From: nuala Date: May 2nd, 2009 11:17 am (UTC) (Link)
PS Also, unlike a hamster, at least you are not storing everything in your cheeks. :D

tweezlebum From: tweezlebum Date: May 4th, 2009 12:39 am (UTC) (Link)
bwahahahahahahaha! If he had to store everything in his cheeks, I bet those bloody unopened copies of Maxim would've gone a long time ago. ;)
nuala From: nuala Date: May 4th, 2009 09:37 am (UTC) (Link)

Surely he could ebay those? An entire collection? Crikey.
paranoidandroid From: paranoidandroid Date: May 4th, 2009 01:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
My dad said that but to be honest I just can't be bothered with all that. So they have been disposed.
paranoidandroid From: paranoidandroid Date: May 4th, 2009 01:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
They've been disposed. Step one in the right direction.
tweezlebum From: tweezlebum Date: May 4th, 2009 02:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
Indeed. I am all proud & stuff. ;)
paranoidandroid From: paranoidandroid Date: May 4th, 2009 01:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
awww - he's a lovely chap!
10 comments or Leave a comment