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On my mind - The Paranoid Android
...musings of a mechanically depressed robot...
On my mind
I have had a bunch of vivid dreams of late. These have been disturbing enough to wake me up on several occasions!

It started a week or so ago after I played too much Star Wars Lego on the Wii. I would dream about playing the levels I'd failed. It was a relentless kind of dream, like I was being force to replay the failure again and again, and I considered going downstairs at 4 in the morning to beat the level just make the dreams stop... but I knew that probably wouldn't work.

Then there was the Planmaster Reconcociliation dreams... the same kind of thing but with a theme about 1,000 times duller. I would re-write the rules in this accounting system repeatedly - never getting the results to reconcile. I would wake up to go to work to repeat the damn thing for real. There's nothing quite like it to break my spirit.

Then last night the weirdest dream of all:
I was living in a basement flat in a run-down neighbourhood of a city (it was not clear to me in the dream which city it was... I didn't recognise my surroundings even though I knew I lived there) and as I entered the door I saw it had been wired (a switch held closed by the door had opened and the wired led to the middle of a very messy room... which would be about normal for me!)

The wires ended in a device that looked a lot to my untrained eye like a bomb. A realisation that my "new" home was about explode because I'd opened the door entered my mind. I noticed a second device on a table on the side of the room. I was feeling very tense... I had no idea how much time I had, but I didn't want to loose all my possessions in an explosion. I quickly decided that dying was the worst option and left the basement flat to call the police.

The person who took the call didn't seem to think it was an emergency. I was belittled for wasting their time. By now I was getting pissed off and still feeling very nervous because I didn't know how big the bang was going to be... but I found myself back in my flat. There was a maintenance man in my living room who was looking bemused because I'd left the door open. I warned him about the explosives and he asked where. I pointed to the device in the middle of the room which now seemed to look different. A closer inspection revealed it was indeed different... it looked like a home electronics kit, not threatening in the least. The maintenance man laughed at me and left.

I was in a state of confusion staring at this jumble of electronics and wondering if I had been mistaken before. It was then that I noticed the other device again. It was still there... and it still looked very much like a bomb. As it wasn't linked to the wires still running from the door I went over to take a closer look. As I picked it up I noticed a mercury switch... I saw the mercury slide down the glass tube where it shorted the two contacts at the end. I threw it out of the window where it caught fire and started to burn the side of the flat.

I realised that the window was just an opening to a well from the ground level to allow some light into the room... and that the fire's only possible direction was into the flat. I also realised that there was no way I could get to it to put it out (the thoughts of explosions now completely gone from my head) and that the fire brigade would take too long to get to me.

And that's when I woke up.

And then I realised it was the maintenance man... What? I knew it was a dream but some part of my mind was still processing it all as if it was real. I found myself holding two contradictory thought processes at the same time. I "remembered" that I wasn't imagining the device in the middle of the room, and that the only explanation for the change was a switch by the maintenance guy... and at the same time I was thinking why can't I just get some sleep.

Why is it these dreams of late have been so lucid? Even when I am aware that it is a dream, they don't stop. My feelings last night were still that of tenseness/fear and were accompanied by the sting of being duped by a man I knew didn't exist *before I felt duped*

I am not entirely sure what that says about my psyche... and I'm not sure I want to find out. I do hope that now I have completed the Planmaster reconciliations, and I haven't played the Star Wars Lego game in weeks, I might get some proper rest before I loose what's left of my sanity completely.

Tags: ,
Current Location: 51.520574,-0.088706
Current Mood: awake awake
Current Music: Doctor! Doctor! - The Thompson Twins

6 comments or Leave a comment
tweezlebum From: tweezlebum Date: January 15th, 2009 05:36 am (UTC) (Link)
Damn the man. (Save the Empire.)
paranoidandroid From: paranoidandroid Date: January 15th, 2009 04:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
What's with today, today?
tweezlebum From: tweezlebum Date: January 16th, 2009 03:38 am (UTC) (Link)
Is it Rex Manning day?

(It's not, really. I think that's 24 April. Maybe that's the problem...)

And y'know, I meant to say earlier... It must be the season for weird dreaming, although mine has been more weird soundtracks to dreams. Like the other morning, I woke up with the Lemonheads' "Big Gay Heart." What could I possibly have been dreaming that would've called for that?!
paranoidandroid From: paranoidandroid Date: January 16th, 2009 12:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
I can't possibly imagine... and I'm not sure I would want to imagine! ;)
tweezlebum From: tweezlebum Date: January 18th, 2009 03:49 am (UTC) (Link)
Quite. Well, one good thing has come of this: I've decided that Wednesday is Rex Manning Day & I'm taking cupcakes to Wesley's class. Want one?
paranoidandroid From: paranoidandroid Date: January 23rd, 2009 07:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
I could never refuse a cupcake! :)
6 comments or Leave a comment