Marvin (paranoidandroid) wrote,
Marvin
paranoidandroid

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Musings of a Paranoid Android...

Over the "lurve holiday" there have been various reports in news papers about what are acceptable gifts to send your loved one. I found it interesting that there were women out there complaining about getting gifts of chocolate and underwear... surely getting anything for valentines is a plus? I guess the peep-hole bra is a little tacky but this still means you was in his thoughts... even if they are sordid and tacky thoughts. As for chocolate - I thought that was every girls best friend!

Misty got me a workmate and a power tool. This seems perfectly acceptable to me - power tools are the toys of the adult world. If I had bought her a rice steamer or, heaven forbid, a steam iron I believe I would be carrying my nuts home in a plastic bag.

Surely a power tool is little different to a steam iron? Both are labour saving devices aim to assist you getting jobs you don't really want to do get done faster. An iron wouldn't be the best gift in my case as I do as much if not more of the ironing as Misty does. Perhaps some pots and pans?

On the way into work this morning I got a copy of the Big Issue. It's always the same guy out there in the weather and I try to get one if I have enough change on me. I'm not sure either of us is ready for the embarrassment of the last time I tried to purchase a copy only to discover I had no change. I always give him a couple quid and don't expect change. Is this normal? The face value of the paper is £1.40 I think it says somewhere on the paper that the guys pay half of that and get half as their payment for selling them. I wondered how much the average person pays, and if others expect change: Am I being generous or stingy? It's things like this that keep me up at night.

Every morning I get off the Central Line at Liverpool Street and I'm met by a wall of people attempting to get on the train. Not one of them will get out of the way so that I and the other passengers wishing to alight can get off. There is a couple seconds of impasse before someone eventually moves to one side. I have this overwhelming urge to walk through them with my arms flung apart knocking them all back whilst screaming "let the passengers off the train before trying to board you m%&*$! f*&%ers!" I find this really sets me up well for the remainder of the day.

I want a megaphone. I think they are called bull horns over in the U.S. of A. I would use it to inform people of the little inconsiderate things they do. For instance: cyclists who disregard traffic lights and run down pedestrians who are crossing at a pelican crossing showing a green man. If you are using the road you should follow the rules of the road. If you want to be a pedestrian get off the bike. I would argue back with the increasing number of people who have started to use such things to tell me how I should live my life, like which god I should kowtow to.

Time to go home.
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