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The Paranoid Android
...musings of a mechanically depressed robot...
Another rant...
Dear Limey assholes...

Last week G2 launched an "operation" to mail people in Clark County Ohio to try and persuade them to vote - or to change their vote or some such nonsense.

In the first 3 days over 11,000 busy-bodies requested an address to send their inflated self worth opinions to. G2 kindly posted some of the responses it has been send by people from the US. (See link above)

Now why the hell the Guardian should organise a stupid stunt like this I don't know. How the hell would it's reporters and editors feel if they were sent mail from some foreign backwater telling them how to vote? I'm guessing they'd think "What the fuck do they know about our politics?"

Can you see where I'm going with this?

I have strong views about the current American administration... I think they are a bungling bunch of idiots - frat' boys out of control. Would I consider these views important enough that I contact someone thousands of miles away an suggest they take my thoughts into consideration before they decide who to vote for? I wouldn't even suggest to my wife who to vote for - although she and I are quite open about our political views.

That aside... The replies they [G2] have chosen to publish are the usual moronic crap I've come to associate with letters pages in almost any publication. It's about time the mindless masses came up with some new racial slurs.

1) Calling me a limey doesn't actually piss me off. Almost any name you call me that just means I'm British will be taken as a complement. For a slur to be really effective it needs to be something no-one can take positively. Like for instance "dumb." That is a real racial slur. Take note and learn.

2) I know no-one with yellow teeth.

3) Don't try and scare me with the US Navy Seals, the CIA or the FBI. Your secret services completely failed to prevent the atrocities of September 11, and your armed forces are known best for shooting their own allies. I guess they are only really scary if you are an American. The disservice to human rights your current government is doing in Guantanamo Bay is nothing to boast about. In short - you don't scare me.

4) You did not single handedly win either World War. We would not be speaking German if you hadn't eventually graced us with your presence towards the end of 1941. Germany had already betrayed and attacked Russia, probably the biggest mistake she made during the war, and was on her way to a severe hiding.

5) I have no idea where people get the idea that our food is bad. Coming from a nation that is known around the world for McDonalds and hotdogs I'm surprised they have the cheek to critise! I can only believe that these people know nothing of the rich diversity that is British grub... be it tradition or imported.

So, dear ignorant letter writer, when you have thought of new put downs please don't hesitate to contact me personally.

To the rest of the American population, I would like to apologise on behalf of the Guardian for sticking its nose where it doesn't belong.

Current Mood: amazed

5 comments or Leave a comment
scaree From: scaree Date: October 19th, 2004 07:37 am (UTC) (Link)
I've always said I could apologise at olympic level, but I've just realised there are others out there with enough style and grace to do the job adequately too.

>>2) I know no-one with yellow teeth.<< yes, you do, sorry. But it's the water additives that done it. (Sorry Thames water board but it's your fault.)

>>5) I have no idea where people get the idea that our food is bad.<< Usually it's from outdated surveys, arcane give-away cookery leaflets, advertising in tabloids or one look at HighStreetFastFoodAndTakeAway 'veggie' burgers. yukkkkkkk

The worst british putdown I ever had was a spoilt bratty american child telling me to 'tahk engliss'. I'm afraid to say I apologised and asked him if he cared to speak the Queen's english as I was unused to the new vernacular.

I do not blame all americans for that one small blot on their education system, however.

PS. Eeyore Rules! (Very self effacingly)
From: deeevamp Date: October 19th, 2004 08:33 am (UTC) (Link)
Well if they were going to do such a thing, they so shouldn't have gone to Ohio. Those responses sounded like half the people I know in Ohio.

The one I liked most was when they said they consider people from Columbus to be foreigners. If that doesn't say it all ...
seattleforge From: seattleforge Date: October 19th, 2004 11:42 am (UTC) (Link)

Well, the Buckeye state isn't held in high regard by most of the United States.. except for people from Ohio.

Now, this might be held too closely to my heart as I am from Michigan (which actually had a short war with Ohio to make them take Toledo back).

BTW, we did win WWII.. ;-)
thevanster From: thevanster Date: October 19th, 2004 08:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
Who cares about Ohio?

I don't.

I hate people that make Americans look bad, especially people that go, "omg LOL u haev no free speach in ur country we send r navay seals to ur office n keel u" They have no grasp of anything that's going on in this world and are probably functionally retarded. Gotta give em a little credit for being able to type english. Not a whole lot of my friends can even claim that.

From: driftallyoulike Date: October 25th, 2004 08:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
Go Britain!
*waves the flag of her homeland*
5 comments or Leave a comment