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The long over due update - the Family arrive. - The Paranoid Android
...musings of a mechanically depressed robot...
The long over due update - the Family arrive.
What a busy boy I have been!

Let me start with the arrival of the Frazier household on Saturday. Joanne drove Misty and I to the airport at about 9 o'clock. Misty hired a car and between her and Sis, we managed to get mum, Dillard, the two children and of course the 150,000 items of luggage back to our house. Rachel and mum slept in the back of the car most of the way, I have no idea if Dillard and Wes slept in the other car.

It wasn't long after that the Barney madness started. If you are not familiar with Barney, I can only say how lucky you are. He's an eight foot purple and green dinosaur who sings and dances. About an hour of this is enough, two hours excessive. The 20 plus hours I've witnessed in the past 3 days are enough to drive you insane. unfortunate this is about the only "entertainment" Wes likes, so no doubt I'll see a few hours more in the coming week.

Back to Saturday! Dillard, Wes, and Rachel stayed with me while Misty and mum went to Romford Market for some retail therapy. Misty needed some bread and other groceries. Mum was amazed at some of the items for sale in the market. I'd never really thought it strange that the various undergarments on the first stall might cause shock to a visitor, but in retrospect I should have know Romford has dulled my sensibility to the point that nothing can really shock me.

Dillard’s brother was in London on Saturday too, so he (Mike) and his Sister (Evelyn) dropped in to say hi. Not wanting to feed the five thousand (okay 8) we ordered out and got kebab and pizza. Our visitors were remarkably brave, it was almost kebabs all round! We decided on a trip to a traditional(?) English pub that night... and was going to visit a local when Mike suggested the "Karaoke" pub. It was about the right time, so that's where we went!

"The Prince Albert"... or "The Albert" as it is known to the locals is a... "colourful" pub. From the outside it looks permanently closed. From the inside it looks as though it *should be* permanently closed. It does have one saving grace; karaoke every Saturday night. The host is a fantastic guy called Pete. He is a real music fan... why he chose to host a karaoke I have no idea! He also has a very good voice... belting out the hits of Neil Diamond and Garth Brooks so well you might wonder if he's miming to a tape.

The pub also has had the most interesting collection of "regulars" I've ever come across - and I've been a "regular" in quite a few pubs in my time.

One of the current such regulars, Neil, was there. He gets up and sings a couple songs in the style of the Sex Pistols. It doesn't matter if the song was originally a soft ballard, it'll come out like Sid Vicious singing "My Way." He not only murders songs... he take his clothes off. He also changes his neck tie once every other song.

The main excitement of the night was the return of Nooney Noo. Somewhere floating around the internet is an MP3 of "Noony Noo" and "Lisa the Raver" murdering "Coming to America" and "Wuthering Heights" respectively. It's a true gem... I'll have to find some links so those of you with a nice fast connection (or a lot of patience) can download for your aural pleasure. For the sake of completeness I'd like the record to show Nooney's real name is Colin.

Now Nooney Noo has improved mightily over the last couple of years. I suspect he has been in hiding... training his voice and learning the words. Well... perhaps not! He had improved - he sang about half of the words and kept in time for almost 80% of the song. He still had Pete sing "backing" so he could remember where about in the song he was.

I shouldn't mock him that much. I once heard he is dyslexic and cannot read the words on the screen fast enough. Of course that doesn't account for the shitty timing... and you would think that he'd only sings songs he actually *knew*, but him getting up there and making the effort has to be admired in some way. I prefer the "from the toilet where you can't actually hear it" way.

I have only ever sang twice at a karaoke. I will probably sing at the wedding... but then people will have to say I'm okay or I'll throw them out! In fact the wedding reception will be just another Saturday night except for the strange characters like Neil and Nooney Noo.

Saturday night we had 8 people sleeping in the house. This involved 5 beds and the sofa. I'm not sure we could have accommodated a single person more! I guess there was still the bath... but that's not quite as comfortable as it might first seem. Plus the fact that the last time I slept in the bath, someone woke me up by turning the shower on... I'll never sleep in a bath again.

Sunday morning was a bit of an early start. Misty and I had to get back to the airport to pick up her Dad. We made remarkable time... arriving a whopping 35 seconds before Ernie came out of the arrivals lounge. we had a quick drink and a bite to eat. I was feeling very rough - but it seemed to be all self induced. My splitting head could be accounted for - I'd drunk enough Irish whisky to kill an elephant the previous night - and my raw throat was probably something to do with singing on the top of my voice. At least that's what I thought it all was.

Back at the house things were not so good. Rachel was dog sick. I mean projectile vomit, where's the pea soup?, head spinning sick. It was the start of an epidemic - by the late afternoon Dillard was also unwell. I had a head being squeezed in a vice (I still thought it was a hangover) and my throat felt like everything I swallowed was a razor blade.

Ernie came back to ours to say "hi" to Mike. Seems they only live a couple hundred miles apart... but they have to travel 5,000 miles to see each other! After that Mike and Evelyn left for Birmingham. We'll not see them again till next Saturday.

Misty and I took Ernie to the "hotel" in Romford. As a base - just somewhere to sleep at nights - it's okay (I guess) but the Ritz it aint! We all came back to our house. Mum had started on dinner (Roast chicken).
Just after we'd got back Penny and Margaret arrived at Elm Park. Misty drove up to collect them.

We had dinner - all nine of us! Misty and her mum had worked wonders - it was a fab meal... although Misty didn't like the potatoes she'd made. I think this was perhaps our first warning that Misty was about to be hit by "the bug". As the girls had cooked, the boys had to clear up. As I was washing the dishes I started sweating. I think this was the first sign that I was not just hung over.

We sat around and chatted. It would seem our "outside" loo has a lot of value in the states... so if we ever get desperate we'll have to take it there and sell it!

Misty drove Penny and Margaret back to the station... and then her dad on to his hotel. I had to go along as co driver. It was on the drive that Misty got really sick. Luckily she made it all the way to the hotel where she threw up for her country of choice.

We left Ernie with the faint aroma of puke and made it home without incident.

Monday the house was a walking morgue. I felt crap, Misty had been up half the night sick, Rachel was about the only one feeling any better. If it hadn't been for mum the place would have fallen apart. I worked for a little while, then gave in and played the inlay puzzle that Misty was hooked on for a while. Poor Ernie was left stranded in that little hotel. I have no idea what he did for the day ... I guess I will find out tonight.

It was yesterday that my intake of Barney DVDs reached it's limit.

Today I woke up feeling possibly worse than I did yesterday. I have eaten a nice big breakfast (thanks mum). I have completed the daily journals for work, and brought the rec up to date. After the tribe left the house (they are doing the tourist thing) I had a nice long shower. I'm now going to go to the chemist to get something for my throat.

Tags: ,
Current Mood: sick sick
Current Music: "To Cut A Long Story Short" by Spandau Ballet

8 comments or Leave a comment
cham From: cham Date: October 28th, 2003 09:09 am (UTC) (Link)

u shoulda let me know if u needed another car to pick people up... there's some room in my boot and u can get one in the back seat ;)
paranoidandroid From: paranoidandroid Date: October 29th, 2003 02:38 am (UTC) (Link)
I think Misty might fit in your boot! ... It should make for some interesting photo's of when she arrives ! :)
cham From: cham Date: October 29th, 2003 03:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
lol i'm trying to get a roofrack and some seats to fit a few more people... however with it being so cold atm they might have to wrap up warm...

btw has misty changed her mobile number?
nuala From: nuala Date: October 28th, 2003 10:44 am (UTC) (Link)
gosh! what a lousy way to start a family holiday!! May you all feel better soon!

Ok, so I know the wedding is coming up (I'm a bit slow) but when is it?

Lemsip, Meltus, more lemsip, and cough drops. Hot toddies are brilliant as well, especially if you wish to continue the whiskey binge from the night before ;o)

Barney is Evil.
paranoidandroid From: paranoidandroid Date: October 29th, 2003 02:37 am (UTC) (Link)
The wedding is on Saturday!! (I hope the weather improves by then)

I'm staying clear of the whisky for now... I'm eating cough drops like they are going out of fashion... lemsips sound like a good idea too ... I might have to pop out and get some.

Don't mention the B word ... I've started to get a facial tick!
nuala From: nuala Date: October 29th, 2003 03:33 am (UTC) (Link)
*snicker* barney barney barney.

My little sister is 19 years younger. While I only put up with Fraggle Rock (v cool!) with my lil brother, Sarah liked Barney. And Baby Bop, the most annoying little snot ever created. *shudders in horror* I feel your pain.

Yay! Less than a week!!! Now see, it's much easier for me to get totally geeked about someone else's wedding *woo hoo!* :o)
(Screened comment)
From: (Anonymous) Date: October 28th, 2003 09:44 pm (UTC) (Link)

from (")

(((((((((((((((((james and misty)))))))))))))))

i know this will be an insane week for y'all, what wiff projectile leprosy and a weddin'....but i wanted to let you know that i'll be thinkin' about y'all all week, esp. on sat. i hope your wedding is most beautimous, full of love and laughter and joy....as well as copious amounts of alcoholic beverages...i'll be snoopy dancin' on this side of the pond on saturday, and that's a bunny promise....

love to you both; every wish for a blessed life together......

wiff lots of emotion in my heart for you both,

snuggs (")
paranoidandroid From: paranoidandroid Date: October 29th, 2003 02:40 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: from (")

Awww ... thanks :)

We'll have a drink for you on the day...
8 comments or Leave a comment