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Journal entries from a hospital ward .. PtII - The Paranoid Android
...musings of a mechanically depressed robot...
paranoidandroid
paranoidandroid
Journal entries from a hospital ward .. PtII
Sunday lunch was a treat. The food generally was ok, but they made a real effort with Sunday lunch. For a change there was actually enough food!

I raided the day room Sunday afternoon and found some books to read. A Tom Clancy I'd not read before and a Michael Crichton called airframe. The Clancy kept me from total boredom. There is a bit of a scare with my blood test from the morning. My potassium levels are very high, so I need an E.C.G. It transpires I need 3 E.C.G.s over the space of an hour.

Sunday night the deaf old guy next to me is worse than ever. He has decided to go mobile, using his table for support. The nurses catch him wandering around at all hours, and the conversation ends up loud. He always wants to know the time. I think about asking my sister to bring in a ferkin great clock to hit him over the head with.

Monday morning I get to sleep in. I'm not sure if I was supposed to, or if the nurses tried to wake me and I just wouldn't wake. About 9:30 I wake up, realising I've missed breakfast, but am just in time for the morning tea round. The guy with the trolley is exceptionally nice and goes out of his way to be helpful.

I prefer the coffee to the tea, as the tea is not very good even by normal standards, and I'm fussy about my tea! He brings me a black coffee (no-one else gets a choice). I think it's because I take the time to talk to him, and thank him for bringing it round. Some of the old guys are probably a little absent minded, but I think a couple are a little racist too. (The drinks man is black)

I read about half more of the Clancy novel (Rainbow 6) before dad arrives with the next two Potter books. These seem a little thicker than the first two, and this seems promising! Maybe they'll last more than a couple hours each!

When dad leaves I tackle the shower again. I have just about worked out how to get it to work properly. You have to set the temperature (from memory) and turn it on full, then get out of the shower and close the door (or the floor gets flooded). Wait for 10 minutes, then open the door again and jump in, closing the door quickly behind you. Not exactly ideal, but at least you get a constant temperature shower. After drying off I feel like a damn rag. I have no energy at all.

The consultant comes to see me again. They still don't know what the hell is up with me, but they have crossed a few more things off the list. The consultant is keen for me to be leaving the hospital, after all - they are not treating me - I'm just there for tests. I agree with him completely. He wonders if I could be out by Wednesday, and my heart leaps. Just a few more days. The other doctors are given a list of tests still needed and I'm left.

My sister turns up about 5, but says she won't be long, as I have an ultra scan in half an hour. This is the first I know of it, but my sister knows because the hospital told my mum when she phoned that morning. This is the first I know of that too!

Sure enough - in half an hour a porter arrives to whisk me away to the radiology department, where I get more gloop poured on me. The doctor there seems to think I have nothing wrong with the inner workings of my body. I find out what a spleen looks like in an ultra sound, plus the contents of my bowels. Why the doctor chose these things to point out to me - I have no idea.

I have worked out text message shifts. During the day I pester my work mates, La-La and Minx. During the late evening till the early hours I text chat to Misty via ICQ. This is a better boredom cure than anything else so far. A problem: the text chats turn to my usual smutty topics, which has the effect of making me uptight without any way to unwind.... if you know what I mean. Still - a little dirty talk with your girlie is a grand way to pass time :)

By Monday night I have half read the third potter book. This one is better, more substance. Tuesday morning I wake up early (or woken up early by loud old git). The doctor comes round early and tells me about the various tests I need, plus what they would mean. He seems to think I'll be in until at least Friday, and my heart sinks. He takes some blood just to add insult to injury. Then a porter comes round to take me to X-ray. They want nice photo's of my wrists, knees, and ankles.

After about 4 shots of each, I feel like a super hero, and I'm sure my piss will glow in the dark for days. The doctor taking these pictures was wearing a lead plate garment, and hid behind a wall for every shot. It's a great comfort to see her hiding, while I'm sitting/lying there in my flimsy night garments. Maybe all the radiation will kill whatever is causing all this. It's been an eventful morning, and it's not over yet.

I get another visit from a scouser doctor who looks like Craig Charles' brother. He tells me I have a small gall stone, but it's nothing to worry about, and "oh yeah" that worry with the potassium levels, that was nothing either. Just in case I might have been worried like.

Dad visits late, and is still there when Joanne arrives. They leave together and I read the other half of the third Potter book. More dirty text messages, and finally I'm asleep.

I'm allowed to sleep in late again, but I wake up in time for breakfast. The consultant comes round and tells me nothing again. I'm to see a specialist in rheumatology in the afternoon. The consultant suggests I ask the specialist to be an outpatient, so I can go home. This has to be the best news I've had so far :o). I'm going home again !!!

Sure enough the specialist comes round and asks if I feel the need to stay in for these new tests (I answer in the negative) so he arranges for some last tests (all bodily excretions again) and I can go home!!!

My ordeal is over ... for now.

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